I was in church on Sunday morning like normal. The deacon said that Christ was good enough to die for us then we should be able to live for Him. Shouldn't we also be willing to die for Him also? How many people would truly die for Christ in America? I am not to sure it would be too many. If we can't live for Christ and submit ourselves to Him daily would we be able to give our life if it was necessary? My pastor talked about the mark of the Beast and how the church would not take it but I believe it when I see it. Everyone is saying that we will be raptured out. I am hoping that that happens but what if you had to go through it all? Would you make it? I am sorry but it is not enough to be willing to live for Christ. How hard is it to live for Christ in a land where everyone is free to worship God? We take our liberties too lightly. I know that God has to separate the sheep from the goats and that persecution is necessary but I think we will all be surprised to see who is really sheep and goat. I know people who will only serve God in their home church. What if God actually called you to go to a place and risk your life serving Jesus? Would you go or make excuses? I would hope that I would go. My heart is on the mission field and always has been but I have been surround by people who will not go out of the state much less the country to serve God. It has been hard for me to be yoked to a bunch of scary cats. People who are ankle deep in Christ don't want to leave their comfort zones. It takes a certain dedication to want to go anywhere for God and do anything for Him. It takes an abandonment to self that a lot of christian don't want to have anymore. If your life is on the line,you would be praying on a regular basis,right? So many people in China go through severe persecution for their faith but they want to. To die for Christ is gain. How so many of us in America have forgotten that? Even in my church they will pay missionaries because they are glad they don't have to go and say it to their faces. Why? Because they are "arm chair" christians. Lazy boys!

Thursday night,I went to bed so that I could get up on Friday to prepare for a retreat. Well,I didn't get to sleep until Friday morning at 9pm. Thankfully the Lord woke me up just in time for me to get ready. I thought I would have a wonderful nights sleep Friday night because of the lack of sleep on Thursday night....WRONG! I stay awake ALL NIGHT. When everyone started getting up for showers and breakfast,I finally slept. Well, after a couple of hours I got up and joined everyone for a 10:00 breakfast. I took my medicines like always after I ate my breakfast. After that,we all cleared our plates and we went into the chapel. We were having a "Passover" meal. About 15 minutes into the service, I felt like I needed to throw up. Well,guess what- I did~  The people around me help me clean up and I thought I was ok. I started getting queasy again so someone suggested that I go outside. As soon as I got through the door,I leaned over the banister and threw up a little bit and then a whole lot. This sister came out to pray with me after I sat down on the steps. I just felt something welling up in me and it happen again. I don't know if it was something I ate or my meds or both. So I missed the whole passover meal and washing feet.

Saturday night came and I thought I would take night meds and a sleep pill to rest. NO REST!  Finally I just rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom. I met some ladies there who were trying to get ready for the day. It was about 6 am so I went and got a cup of coffee and watched it turn daylight. I ate a little breakfast cake and headed to bed. As soon as I laid down,I was out.... I woke up around one oclock. I missed break and lunch and all of the activities for that day. I have never had a worse time at a retreat in my life. I feel bad for the people that went with me. I spent all day sleeping and puking.